I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t feel anything anymore. Anything at all, I’m just numb. I can’t trust you anymore. I want to be able to think better of you but now it’s impossible. Goodbye.


Remember that time you told me you were too scared to ask me out? That’s why we never got together properly, because for the first time in your life, you were scared that a girl might reject you. And you know what? To this day, I still don’t know what I would have said.

Bad timing

Why? Why do you do this to me when you know how it makes me feel? Of course, if you hurt me, you’re going to choose the option that will hurt me the most. You know how much it affects me, and how it makes me feel, you’ve settled my worries about it so many times, so why Change your mind now? Because I suppose you finally got bored. Even if you promised it would never actually happen. Wow, look at that, it even just started raining, how fucking clichéd is that. I can’t even convince myself that I don’t need you anymore, because I do. I need you more than I’ll ever tell you. Especially right now, I need you more than ever, and you chose today to let me go. But I know if I bring it up you’ll get annoyed and try to comfort me. But I don’t want that. I want you to realise, as my best friend, that right now, I JUST REALLY NEED TO HEAR YOUR VOICE. That’s all. But no…


Well fuck, what happened to us?
We started off so perfectly, so innocently, I can’t even remember where it changes… If it even did. Because, you see, the thing with you, the thing with me, is that, you were clever, and I was stupid. You knew what you were doing, and what started off as innocent, shameless flirting, suddenly decided to go BAM into real life shit. And I can’t even remember when. All the memories I have of you just blur, only a few stand out. Like the night I first spoke to you. And then the night weeks later where we actually started something. No, we weren’t together. I don’t think we ever could be. I just stupidly hoped. I remember the few nights when you called me beautiful. And I mean beautiful, pretty or stunning, because they were rare. Mostly it would just be comments like hot, I want you in my bed and so on and so forth. We went from literally being a couple - but not being one - to best friends. How does that happen? You were probably the best thing that ever happened to me, even if I did find out that you had a girlfriend. You were sorry though, and we were both too scared of losing each other that we just looked past it. But now I’m wondering if I should’ve. I know I’d never change the way I reacted, so calm, uncaring, forgiving, because, I only ever feel the need to write this shit when we haven’t spoken for a few days. I don’t know what it is. One night, we’ll talk and everything is perfect, the next thing I know is that we haven’t spoken in a week, I feel like shit, I feel empty. Then I wake up to a text from you saying that you’re sorry and I feel better all over again.
Fuck you. Fuck everything you’ve ever done to me and every other girl. Fuck you and the way you make me feel. Fuck the way we both still like each other. Fuck the way we’re best friends although I need so much more. I love you.
So here I am now, looking back at all the stages we went through, waiting for you to reply, and just thinking shit, what the fuck happened there?